He puko'a kani 'aina: Step into the void and head for home

Just before midnight I woke from a dream with my uncle who in his nineties is going through the stages of latter-day-childhood (Alzheimer's), and my dad who passed into spirit in the early 1980's. In the dream my uncle was sorting through his choices, taking action and generally being light -- not heavy as he appeared to me during much of my life growing up. My dad's presence in the dream was represented by his photographs hanging in different places in the room, and in particular one framed picture dangled from the doorway between one room and another. To go between the rooms a person would either hit his photograph or at the very least notice it -- in this dream Dad was not to be ignored.

In real life these two men played different positions on the continuum when it came to being the responsible parent. My dad was a Capricorn bulldozer operator, an earth mover, a former beach boy and a drinker. My uncle was a lawyer, church deacon, judge. When my mom married my father it reset the balance of authority; very different versions of power played through. What I saw in their relationship was a battle of opposites yet both of them were Earth Signs: my uncle is the Fixed Sun sign of Taurus the bull, practical and accumulation-based. Taurus likes their stuff and know how to keep them. Dad was Capricorn Sun, a Cardinal sign, action-oriented and practical also but he valued different goods: stories, pranks and hard work showed on his large creased and red-dirt stained hands. The drinking gene has passed a legacy we still deal with; I watched the judgement about alcohol split my loyalties over the decades, led me into the rooms of Al-Anon and tempers me still as addiction wears many different labels.

Elders -- father figures-- showing up in dreams to leave me with messages about aging, traditions, father roles and responsibility are timely visits. The veil between the physical and spirit is thin. In the waking hours I am offered glimpses of how my uncle's legacy is playing out; these are piecemeal stories I get second hand. The dream time stories transcend the currency of a second hand story and suggest a more permeable medicine story. I was taught to compare values and still struggle with comparing values. But as the veil between the living and dead thins and visits have begun I recognize that the complexity of being a parent/responsible adult is understood in retrospect and that means one has to live to discover meaning.

I shared my dream with Pete and he was hooked, "You needed your dad to show up big time. And he did!" We're about to move. We're getting ready to set up a different version of home, and the issue of shared resources is at the heart of our journey. Our connections with family and community are being redefined. My ears are congested from the change in weather; I hear less external sounds as the tinnitus increased. My father lost his hearing when I was a girl. The affinity between Pete and my dad stems from their common working class laborer root. Hard work. Stories about work. Tinker's talent for making things work and making do. Both these men have a respect for tools -- my father kept his tools from rusting in tins filled with diesel oil, Pete has a beat up old truck (that works) and knows which tool to use for which job. But neither man has an attachment to accumulating surplus.

I'm taking this online class about authority (Capricorn) over time, and aging. The class is heavy and dense with examples of the commitment it takes to be the person you can be. "Getting real" and "growing up" are a couple ways to look at a life being lived to its full capacity. Saturn is involved in this class ... it's all about Saturn priming the goat-in-us-all to climb. Capricorn was born to climb. When I woke from the dream with my uncle and dad, I walked across the parking lot headed to the computer and found the newest installment for my online class.

The installment was written by Satori, and it began with the image pictured above from the movie Howl's Moving Castle created by Hayao Miyazaki. Satori is a master at coupling images with astrological metaphor and narrative. This time her writing described how Saturn pushes on the astrology present in the twelve houses of the zodiac. Through her narrative, the reader and student, can analyze and consider how or if the metaphors apply to our lives. Astrology is not an exact science. What it is in my experience is a applied practice that grows in meaning if used over time. I, like my dad, have Capricorn very present in my makeup. I like the application (Saturn) over time. I also have plenty of water in me with that Scorpio Sun, Mercury, and Chiron that affects EVERYTHING in my makeup. Satori is a Pisces (Water) Sun with a Capricorn Moon she speaks my language and writes metaphor that is my kind of medicine.

The image of Howl's Moving Castle was my connection to the dream (creative) transformation. I mean I just woke up from a dream with two of my main male figures. If I was afraid of stepping out of the woods and into a new version of home, Miyazaki's animated story about stereotypes, power and movement plus a dream with my uncle and father in the same night came to reassure me. Satori offers me and Pete insight into Saturn's transit (the next 2.5 years beginning December). Summarized here, it helps me to put her narrative where I can come back and review it. Combined with dream time and calendar time (we're moving in October, 2017) here is what I've gleaned:

Satori wrote: (as it relates to me) "When Saturn transits Capricorn in the Twelfth House, it can be a daunting realization or a thrilling call to invest in the unknown. Have faith. Take the steps. Commit ... onward and upward. Believe that you can master opening up to the void. Believe you will be supported."

My thoughts:  Daddy and Uncle B. show up to show me what they got, and the dream did a spin on the  the meaning of "investment." I am reinforced with the belief that I am supported. The 12th House is about Spirit, and its also a place where the hidden stories can be expressed creatively for a larger good.

When Saturn transits Capricorn in the First House you begin to take on the characteristics of a responsible adult.  You may even notice your resemblance to a parent.  With this transit, you gain personal wisdom and credibility.  It’s more than skin deep... It settles in your bones.  It also means you’ll be pressed to address results of the physical aging of your body. Work on your appearance and see it pay off long term.

My thoughts: Saturn's 2.5 year transit will work through all of my 12th House and half of my 1st House. I'm in this online class to prepare for my future and aging is real. There are things I need to do for my physical body. I already see how I look more and more like my mother, but the legacy of my father is what shouts to be acknowledged. I bow to the Capricorn, my father, the old Goat, my first love. I would have, and did follow him up many steep climbs and learned to drive seated on an old Caterpillar bulldozer.

As the astrology relates to Pete, Satori wrote: " The fourth house rules family and home.  Capricorn here is a settled home life.  However, that is also something that occurs with time and work. If you’re not there yet, Saturn will be the factor that pushes it through.  It’s time to work on that.  You’ll be pushed slowly over the line.  If you feel deprived of a family or home, now is the time to work toward satisfying this need, at least laying the groundwork.  Saturn here will solidify the choices you make and the work you put into it..."

I speculate on Pete's opportunity: We have been in a 'settled home life' for almost 8 years and are about to move. It's difficult to make this change; we've gotten comfort with the regularity and support. "Laying the groundwork" for a new version of this comfort (believing we could move back to Hawaii) started in July that's not so long ago. We aren't sure we will make this move back to Hawaii but we are sure we need to experiment with a 'next step.' Saturn likes seeing progress!

When Saturn transits Capricorn in the Fifth House it's about love life and babies.  Can you have both?  Together?  How does that look?  Do you even want them both?  You’ll be pressed to focus on these issues.  Babies don’t just come in diapers.  Babies are also art, projects, ideas.  You may be pressed to consider accepting burdens that put a damper on your fun.  You’ll weigh what is worth working toward in that regard.  Sometimes you have to climb the hill before you can slide down it.  This is a more important project and takes more effort.  Will you commit?  

I don't know how to speculate about this one. I heard Pete make this comment to a friend this morning, "We were trying to replace the community we have (here on Whidbey) with a truck!*?" Now that made me, and our friend on the other end of the cellphone laugh with a ring of truth, and irony.

The images below were what we saw the morning before the dreams of elders showed up. I like them all, but especially the seal riding or sliding, home.

isles of limu

i watched this seal climb aboard this chunk of limu, arrange himself for better sun position, catching a ride with the tide before slipping gracefully and silently back into his watery ocean home.

limu sculpting itself on shore

"Incoming limu."